Feeling This
by Lookforthelight
Summary: Ellie is finally eighteen and considered an adult, and mixed feelings about boys (and men) are starting to flood her life. How will she cope with her new feelings for Erik, her boyfriend, and Joel, the man who only sees her as a daughter? (Oh my god i hate this summary so much) Rated m for maybe smut and cussing, a lot of cussing. (yea its named after the blink 182 song) joelxellie
1. Chapter 1

**Before you guys get your hopes up, this is just a side project so I won't update it a lot **

(Joel's P.O.V)

It had been four years since Joel and Ellie made it to Tommy's, maybe three, but it didn't matter, all that mattered was Ellie's eighteenth birthday. Today, according to Tommy, she was officially a woman. Joel grunted and peeled himself out of bed, careful not to wake up Ellie, who had been sleeping next to him. Ever since they got there, ever since Pittsburg, she had slept curled up at his side using his arm as a pillow. Joel looked at her and thought of Sarah as he pulled on his boots. She used to sleep next to him just like that after her mother, Martha, left them. She was only five at the time, but he could tell it broke something deep inside of her. Martha never liked Sarah, she got pregnant at a very young age, and Joel being the traditional Texan he is, decided to marry her and keep the baby. This made Martha feel locked in, like a caged animal with nothing to do but walk in circles while the other girls laughed, while the other girls called her a slut, a whore, a no good piece of trash, and then, just like that, she snapped. She spent nights at the bar getting hammered, only to come home and try to pick a fight with Joel about got knows what.

His thoughts were soon diminished when the sleeping girl, or should I say sleeping woman, sat up. "Mornin' baby-girl" Joel said, giving a kind smile. "Fuck, what time is it?" Ellie grumbled and got up to retrieve her pants, which she must have kicked off in the middle of the night when it got too hot. "I'd say about eight or nine; power went out last night so the goddamned clocks are wrong again." He replied, handing her a cup of water which she practically inhaled. Ellie had grown so much since they first met; she was now 5'7 and very beautiful. She was no longer ashamed of her scar; she wore it like a medal. A medal showing how badass she was. "Hey Joel, you should make some food while I get ready." Ellie suggested_. Right_.

Joel made his way to the kitchen only to find his brother and Maria, who was now almost eight months pregnant. "Where's the birthday girl?" Maria asked, looking behind Joel. "She'll be out in a minute, she's just getting herself dressed." He grabbed at the coffee pot next to the doorway. He poured the steaming liquid into a cup and basically chugged it. "Somethin' on yer mind brother?" Tommy looked cautiously at Joel, checking his face for any emotion, but there was none. "Jus' a little worried about Ellie. She's going to want to do all kinds of crazy shit now, and that no good Erik asshole isn't going to help this situation I can tell you that." Ellie had met Erik three weeks ago when they were put in a hunting party, and from there she practically fell in love with him. Joel slammed his cup down onto the counter and opened the fridge to fresh oranges and lots of other foodstuffs. Hell, this could have possibly been the most food Joel had seen in over ten years.

"You two bring the whole god dammed stock here or what?" Joel asked, grabbing a small plate of raw bacon.

"Well we figured you and Ellie would put it to good use, the town as enough food as it is."

"Good morning, fuckers." Ellie made her entrance and swiftly grabbed an orange from the fridge before Joel closed it.

"Speak of the devil, you better not have plans tonight, because we invited everyone in the town here for your party." Maria said.

"Yeah, I know. I'll meet you here with Erik in like three hours. By the way Joel, you don't have to make me food, I'll get something at his place." she hugged him and then bolted out the front door.

"Well, we better leave you to whatever it was you were doing, brother." And just like that, Joel was alone.

Joel grumbled to himself about Erik. He had hated the kid since they met, considering he almost killed Joel. He and Tommy had found him locked in a shed while scavenging a year ago. Poor kid was skinny as a bone but still nearly stabbed Joel in the eye when he tried to help him up. Joel quickly washed his coffee cup, put the bacon away, and threw himself down on their couch for a nap.

(Ellie's P.O.V)

Ellie made her way down the porch steps and walked down the semi-crowded, snow filled streets of their town. Ellie loved the winter; she loved almost everything about, except for the intense nightmares and memories about he who must not be named (not Voldemort). From snowflakes to snow clickers, winter was easily her and Joel's favorite season.

It didn't take her long to reach Erik's house, she climbed the steps and used their secret knock so he knew it was her. Less than a minute later Erik opened the door, his black hair messy like he had just woken up, and a box of old cereal in hand. "You look like shit dude," Ellie said as she pulled him in for a hug.

"Yeah, I just got up."

"Well go get dressed and I'll make you some actual food." Ellie took the cereal box and lightly pushed past him, walking into the kitchen. It was a total dump, there were plates and cans everywhere. "Holy shit dude, you need to clean up in here." Ellie opened the fridge to two oranges and a plate of bacon. She quickly cooked up the bacon on the only skillet that wasn't completely disgusting and made two plates for them, consisting of an orange each and like ten pieces of bacon between them.

Erik walked into the kitchen, he was dressed to impress with his hair combed back and a nice button up shirt on. "Hot damn, you clean up nice," Ellie said, handing him a plate.

"Well it is a special day," he placed a kiss on her forehead and plopped down on the couch.

"You really need to do something about this dude, it's a dump." Ellie kicked over an old can and some roaches crawled out.

"Pfft, the place was like this when I got here; Tommy said it was the only house they had left. He offered to let me stay at his place, but I find comfort in the solitude."

"You could have at least picked up; I mean come on dude you're never going to get laid living in a place like this. Not by me anyway,"

"Pfft, If you're so uncomfortable with all this maybe you should clean it up for me," he shoved half an orange into his mouth.

"Maybe I will," Ellie muttered and began to clean up. Erik finished his food and laid back onto the couch. He closed his eyes, imagining Ellie in a small maid outfit as he did, and fell asleep

Not even three hours later the house was spotless and Erik was still asleep, slumbering to the thought of housework. Ellie put her hands on her hips, proud of her accomplishment, and then jumped onto the couch, crushing Erik with 110 pounds of teenage girl. He squealed like a pig and squirmed under her. Ellie held down his arms and kissed him on the nose.

"I cleaned your dirty house for you, dickbag."

"Shit what time is it," he looked to the clock Ellie to the right time, "Get off of me, we gotta go to your party like now. We're going to be late you dweeb." He pushed on Ellie's arms and she immediately got off.

"Shit, I totally forgot oh shit he's going be to so pissed oh fucking fuck-" Erik took hold of her shoulders, "calm the fuck down and go change into something that fits you, your clothes are covered in trash."

Ellie bolted down the hall and into his room, stripping down to her socks as she did, well she tried to, but as soon as she got her pants down her hips and to her knees she fell face down onto the floor. "FUCK" She yelled, crawling to the door. Once Ellie was inside and undressed, she ran to the closet. All he had that fit her was a grey button up shirt and an old pair of skinny khakis, but she put them on anyway. Once she was dressed she slid on her convers and bolted out the door, down the hallway, and finally the front door. "FORGETTING SOMETHING?" Erik yelled. Ellie sharply turned around to him "Just go, I'll be there in like five minutes." Erik said as he combed back his hair and went into the house. Ellie sprinted through the falling snow to her and Joel's house. When she got there, the house seemed completely empty, except for an army of growls from the yard.

**I hope u like this dumb fic (and my other one) bc I had/am having lots of fun writing it (them)**


	2. Chapter 2

**Wowowowowwow here u go friends **

(Ellie's P.O.V)

When she got there, the house seemed completely empty, except for an army of growls from the yard. _What the fuck? _She thought as she walked to the back door, then the growls stopped. Ellie slowly opened the door and walked out to the yard, only to hear a louder growl, and then be tackled to the ground. "FUCK!" She yelled, pushing a laughing man off of her. It was Joel, "You fucking dick!" she pushed him onto his back and got up, he was laughing so hard it hurt. "You should have seen your face, oh god," he put his hand on his chest, his other on the floor keeping him up. Then Ellie noticed the small crowd of people around them.

"I have to admit, that was pretty awesome actually," Ellie said, helping Joel up.

"We've been waiting here making infected noises for half an hour, it better have been awesome."

Joel said, wiping dirt off his pants. "Go on," he motioned Ellie towards the crowd of people, "Go say 'Hi' and talk to people, it's your party so you can't leave."

Ellie nodded and smiled, walking into the crowd, greeting people here and there. That's when Erik hopped over the fence, and she immediately ran to him.

"Hey," Ellie said and hugged him, "thank god you didn't bail, I know like three people here."

Erik hugged her back and they walked through the crowd holding hands until they reached a huge table full off food and drinks, Ellie about died with happiness since she just loved to stuff her face with food. She immediate shoveled food into her face, only stopping when she felt a hand on her shoulder.

"Enjoying your party, Ellie?" Maria said from behind her.

Ellie wiped her face on her sleeve and nodded, unable to speak with all the food in her mouth. Maria smiled "Don't get to full; Joel has a special birthday dinner planned for you tonight. Well, I better go see what Tommy is doing, stay out of trouble now, you two." She winked at Ellie and Erik then walked away with a hand on her stomach.

Ellie swallowed the food in her mouth, "What did she mean by that?" she asked, grabbing a slice of cake from the table.

"I dunno, she probably thinks we're going to get caught fucking or something."

"Pfft, like I'd ever fuck you." She elbowed him in the stomach, accidentally knocking the air out of him. Erik was the last person she would have sex with, she loves him and all, but it's not sexual attraction. Kinda like a best friend that she kisses and holds hands with. Her mind floated away from reality, trying to think of why she said yes to Erik in the first place.

"Are you okay?" he asked after recovering.

"What, oh yeah I'm fine, I was thinking about um, how snails fall in love." _Wow Ellie, is that all you could think of? _She mentally kicked herself for coming up with a lame excuse.

"Well I gotta go, I have wall duty today." He kissed her nose and left her alone in a crowd of people she didn't know.

Despite living here for all these years, she never put any effort into making friends, the only friends she needed were Joel, Maria, and Tommy. In all of her hunting parties she just nodded and stayed silent. Plus half the town hates her because they think she's going to infect everyone, that's also part of the reason.

Hours passed by as Ellie greeted people and gave warm smiles, and as fast as people arrived, they left. "Well, we better get going. We have to give this little guy a rest; we've been up walking around all day." Maria said, rubbing her stomach. "See you later, thanks helping with the party and what not!" Ellie and Joel waved goodbye as Tommy and Maria walked next door to their house. Ellie hadn't noticed, but the entire house now smelt like lemon meringue pie.

"You did not," she said, inhaling the new scent. She ran into the kitchen and fell to her knees, looking into the oven.

"You're going to have to wait a bit for it to cool and all that jazz, but yes, I did." He took the pie out of the oven and put it in the fridge to cool

"You're a god," she turned around and hugged his legs.

"God damn girl, it's just pie." He joked. Joel knew it was her favorite food ever.

"It's not just pie it's my life!" she slid onto the floor, spread out like a starfish.

"Yeah, if you will excuse me, I gotta finish making the salmon." Joel had a huge grin on his face as he started towards the door.

"YOU MADE SALMON?!" Ellie practically screamed in joy with her cheek on the floor. Salmon was also her favorite food.

Ellie was drooling from the smell by the time Joel got back in the house with a plate full of freshly cooked salmon. She watched as he put it on two plates, with little vegetables she couldn't identify as garnishes, and then walked over to the dinner table, which was set like a fancy restaurant would have been before people started eating each other.

"I can't believe I remembered how to set a table like this." He said as he finished setting the table, complete with fancy glasses, nice silverware and napkins, and whiskey. _Typical Joel_.

"Holy shit, where'd you get all that stuff?" Ellie asked, rolling over onto her stomach.

"Tommy found this old abandoned country club, and they had all this fancy shit there."

She stood up and looked at the table more thoroughly, it looked like the kind of thing you would see in those romcoms when the guy takes the girl to a nice restaurant, planning to get in her pants at the end of the night, "you trying to woo me?" she grinned.

"Sit the fuck down and eat."

"So, that chick, what's er' name, Hazel, was all over you today. You going to get with her anytime soon?" Ellie asked while stuffing her mouth. She just loved to make Joel uncomfortable.

"No I'm not going to 'get with her', she's not my type."

"Then what's your type?" Ellie asked.

He shoveled half his plate into his mouth, "Let's talk about something else," he twisted the cap off of the whiskey bottle.

She grabbed the bottle from him and filled her glass with the brown liquid. "What do you want to talk about?" Ellie asked, taking her glass and smelling its contents, she never tried whiskey before. She dipped her tongue in the champagne glass and instantly regretted it.

He smirked at her with his mouth full, then swallowed, "I dunno, music maybe, found any good CDs lately?"

"Not any you'd like, but yeah, I did." Ellie forked up more Salmon, "I found this band called 'The Used' I kinda like."

"Funny, one of Sarah's little friends just adored that band, I could never get into them." His eyes were saddened at this memory.

He took a swig from the bottle of whiskey and finished his food, Ellie finished soon after him.

"Joel?" Ellie asked

"Hmm?"

"You don't…" she chose her words carefully, "you don't see me as just another daughter do you?"

He picked up their plates and walked to the sink, "I never have, and I never will. You mean so much more to me than any daughter ever will, Ellie."

The tension in her was released at this; she didn't want to be another Sarah.

"I'm really sorry to say this, Babygirl, but the pie won't be done till mornin'."

"NOO!" Ellie yelled, sinking into her chair.

He chuckled and walked to the bathroom, "I'm going to take a shower, clean up in here for me, please."

Ellie growled and began to clean, starting with the table and then the rest of the kitchen, and before she knew it, the room was spotless. She walked to their room, groaning as she did so Joel would know she wasn't happy. It was about twelve thirty now, and Ellie was tired as fuck. She pulled down her jeans and crawled into bed. Before she dozed off, she heard Joel come in and get into bed next to her. She immediately rolled over onto his arm and fell asleep.


	3. im so sorry

holy fucking shit i haven't posted in awhile. i have a dumb life to live, but i promise ill get a new chapter up as soon as possible. sorry im such a d-bag lol 


	4. Chapter 3

**Dang, the past couple weeks i totally forgot i had to write fanfictions and stuff, but tonight i had very little to do so i thought 'hey i should write some stuff', long story short im working on two new fics, (yeah i know 'why the fuck are you making more youre already overwhelmed with the ones you have already') one of which none of you will ever get to read ever. Unless your name is pandora and youre a super cute british girl, then you'll get to read it. Anyway, here you go fuckers, sorry it's so short. (sorry for any errors and shit im really tired and dont have the time to edit it rn)**

Joel woke up to a half screaming Ellie, who was sitting up in the bed with wide eyes. "Ellie babygirl, what's wrong?" He asked, sitting up next to her and turning her body to face him. He knew what was wrong, he knew about her David nightmares. Just the thought of that horrible man made his stomach crawl in disgust. Tears flooded her eyes and fell to her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around him, sobbing into his shirt. It had been so long since the incident, but since therapists are around anymore, getting over something so traumatizing can be hard. "It's alright babygirl," Joel petted her back "he can't hurt you anymore." Ellie pulled away and wiped her nose on her wrist. "Yeah, you're right. He can't hurt me." Joel realized how close they still were, and so did Ellie, a blush made its way across her freckled cheeks. She scurried off the bed and quickly pulled on her jeans, "S-so, you think that pie is done?" she barely choked out, Joel had no idea what was up with her, but it sure as hell can't be good.

Joel got up and made his way to the kitchen to find Ellie, who already had eaten half of the pie.

"God damn girl, don't choke."

Ellie flipped him off and shoved more pie into her face. Joel grinned and opened their fridge for some homemade orange juice.

"This pie is amazing, Joel." She said in between bites, "I fucking love you for making it."

A grin was painted on Joel's face as he took a swig of orange juice, not even bothering to get a glass.

"That's fuckin' gross dude, you're going to get your beard all in it. Someone is going to get your beard disease. Oh no," she dropped her fork and held her hand to her chin, "its gone airborne! You've killed us all, GAH!" She tumbled to the floor, clutching her jaw, "I can feel it sprouting!"

Joel chuckled and put the juice back in the fridge, "Get off the floor and go take a shower, you reek." He stole a bite of her pie and walked out the front door.

(Ellie's P.O.V)

Ellie groaned as she got up off the floor. She was almost too full to move, but she made her way to the bathroom and quickly got undressed. She never really paid any attention to her body or what was happening to it, she kind of just let things do whatever they were going to do, but lately she had been getting this strange feeling in her lower reign whenever she saw Joel shirtless doing yard work or coming out of the shower. She watched her face turn a bright shade of red while thinking of this, and a fire began in her groin. _Fuck, Ellie, stop thinking of this gross shit! Joel is old enough to be your fucking grandpa and here you are getting all hot and bothered over the thought of him without a shirt god damn_ she thought and turned the water on. It was nice to have hot water, in the zone all they had was buckets of cold water and everyone took showers once a week. She tried to ignore the feelings that made her want to fuck her father figure and steeped into the shower, turning the faucet hotter so that it slightly hurt her skin. She scrubbed her arms with homemade soap, trying to scrub away dirty thoughts and feelings, and then using the same bar of soap to wash her hair. Being clean was the greatest feeling in the world to Ellie, being dirty reminded her of all the days of almost dying trying to get to the fireflies and back. She finished washing the suds out of her hair and turned the water off to retrieve a towel Joel that must have set aside for her in the morning, since he's the only one who ever does laundry. She dried herself off and quickly got dressed, not even bothering to pick up her discarded clothes. When she got back downstairs, Erik was there, rifle in hand and a smirk on his face.

"Want to go hunting?" He asked slyly

This is going to be fun.


	5. sorry sorry sorry

Hey guys, i know i havent updated anything in awhile (im using this for all my on going fics) ive been really busy with school and stuff, but its over in like two weeks so ill update a lot then! I'll try to get some stuff done in the next few days, but I cant make any promises. Bye for now, and sorry again for the long waits, i know im a douche for no updating.


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